[[____`a|l abOut mY faIrYtale* hUg me t|ght dUn ever leT gO oF mii ]]

Monday, December 13, 2004

im dwn. i cant belief wad i hear. i tried to b strong. i noe tt my frenz r dere 4 me. i tried to put everytink behind my mind. i failed. everytink juz cums bac to no.1 again. frm where it started. i nd time. but de morr time i hav de morr pain i'll hav to endure. i dun wan all dese. ids damn sh*ting. u made me lose all my confidence in my decision. i kp tellin myself tt i cant do tt. cuz i noe if i would 2, im juz lyk stabing myself in de heart over & over again. u cant make a decision too. i noe u're willin to gif up. budden i dun wan. i noe tt wadeva decision i make i'll stil regret.

coach. 1st u put me into bball & nw u wana use it to threaten me & take it out of my life. u made it my everytink. ids bball where i've found true frenz. ids bball where i noe de meanin of teamwork. i've learn lots of tinks frm it. u noe tt tinks would happen. u kept askin me to stay away frm de boiz frm de start. sorrie but i cant control my feelings. ids where i found true love. ids where all my memories r. my happy times r all spent dere. 2nd, didn cum to me personally. i dun noe wad r u tinkin bout. if u're so damn serious bout it y didn u came. 3rd, 'sun bian'. i cant take it. i dun understand u.

im afraid tt u'll bench me. it makes me lose confidence. if u're to ask me bout tiz b4 de match i dunoe wad'll happen. so wad if my ans agrees wif u huh? i stil cant concentrate. i dun want tt to happen. i cant let de team dwn. dey've been dere 4 me when i needed dem. i rather b out of de court. i rather u let sum1 else in. u opened a wound in my heart & now u wan to make it a scar. no matter wad i'll stil respect u. if u vry happen, juz vry vry happen to leave de scar dere, id wil b dere 4eva. althou time may lighten it juz tt little bit, id'll stil b dere. i cant foresee anytink now. i dun wan to.

u noe wad, de worst tink is tt when 2 love each other so so so deeply, dey'll stil hav to part. & all tiz r in ur hands. i cant belief it. i juz cant belief it.

[[* jac ]]

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

12/13/2004 11:43:00 AM

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Sunday, December 12, 2004

ellO peeps. haix. bac here to blog again. feeling dwn as i can be.
sat dwn on my bed & thot bout de tingy. haix. cant help but to say tt i dunoe wad 2 do. stared into space 4 long time. noticed de poster on my bedrm wall. mum put it up dere long ago. didn realie read it b4 & get to noe de meanin as i treat it as oni a deco. but til nw, i start to notice it morr & morr. kp tinkin of it. thot tt it was meaninless sumhow. haix.

The Best Way To Make It Through...

Is To Listen To Your Heart.

In life, we have to make decisions that aren't easy.we're afraid that whatever choice we make wil upset someone we love.

It is at these times that we need to stop and listen to the voice inside us. If we just listen to the wishes of those around us and ignore our own feelings, we will not be truely happy.

Listen to what you know is right and stand by that, because when you do, you wil be truely happy.

haix. nw how. listen to my heart. my heart tells me tt im not suppose to leave de team. tt's a selfish kinda act. my heart tells me tt i muz respect coach & listen to him as he's elder & mayb he does noe morr den i do. but by doin tiz, i'm not truely happie. i oso dun wana bluff coach. i dunoe wad is rite. so hw can i be truely happie??? hw 2. i dunoe. i cant leave him. i juz cant. i oso cant leave de team. telling a lie is juz lyk goin against myself. isn't tiz meaningless. after reading it i stil cant make any decision. wad motivation poster is tiz. ha. ids kinda dis-motivate me rather. spending my time wif him dese few daez b4 tues is all i want. i wana noe tt he's dere 4 me. tues de 'dead dae'. i dun wana it to cum. can i juz lyk fastforward or rather skip tiz dae huh? i noe tt by doin tiz is juz puttin tinks aside. i noe i'll stil hav to make a choice in de end. haix. y r all tiz happening to me. i dun get it at all.

[[* jac ]]

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

12/12/2004 01:20:00 PM

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Saturday, December 11, 2004

heyys peeps. bac frm aussie n im here bloggin. tinks had happen. no mood to blog bout the trip 2..i'll do it another dae i guess.

wad does coach wants huh. sayin tt r/s wil hav a bad image on bball galz. say taking precaution. if i can stand in his shoes cant he stand in mine? ids not tt im slackin or wad. nth has happened de past mths. y now all tiz? y NOW??? it was so smooth. i thot id'll b easy. i thot everytink wil b alrite. y muz all tiz tinks happen? is tiz fair huh. IS TIZ FAIR??

nv thot tt bball would b my cca. he brought me into it. he made it my life & nw wants to take it away frm me. threatenin me, controling me. wads tiz huh. i put all my effort in everytink i do. 4 all the trainings & matches. my studies 2. y muz he do tiz to me? i rather he not choosing me into de team. i rather b in eldds. ha. or art club. i gave up dose 4 bball n nw wad he wants? saving trouble 4 urself & de team? i can tel u tt id was fine. u didn even noe bout it rite huh. sum1 told u & u came out wif all tiz. do u tink tt it feels gd. sayin it to sum1 & askin her to tell me. y cant u tell me urself if u're so serious bout it. dun sae ids 'sun bian' or wad. dun tell me tt u're feeling bad or wad. isn't dere another way out other den tiz?

i dun wana comment on anytink de budden i juz wana sae. helo~ where's de coach i used to noe. de perfect coach i thot. usin all tiz mean ways. askin me to choose. ids juz lyk askin me wich hand u wana chop off? right or left. i cant choose. y r all dese tears coming dwn. coach, r u happie to c me tiz wae. i dunoe hw 2 face u in de future. i dunoe. im scared. wad u wan. if i leave de team juz bcuz of jy den ain't i selfish. i realie dunoe wad to do. i dunwan bluff u. so telling a white lie is oni 10% of wad im gona do. i dunoe wad de endin would b. i cant foresee anitink. althou u didn say anitink to me but oni ask joey to tel me, but in tiz way i noe tt u tink tt gals talk betta budden if u c it in another wae, i noe tt u dun wana hurt me. u feel guilt dun u? or mayb u dun. ha. i dunoe. fancy u're tinkin tt dey're juz sum kids. too young. breakup & i'll hav less trouble. u're wrong. by doin tiz, u made me change my opinion of u.

beginning of de yr if u stil rmb, askin jy stand in front of de whole bball team and askin him if he lyks me. n if i do lyk him u'll not sae anytink. then nw wad? goin bac on ur words. is tiz de way bballers r? y muz u do tiz 2 me. i dun understand. if u fancy me juz sayin 2 u tt me & jy hav broken and u're happie, u're wrong. the feeling's stil dere. it WON'T fade. by doin tiz u lessen my concentration durin trainin & matches. i wun b de me u used 2 noe.

i dunoe. i dun dare c u. de nex match on tues. boys r havin trainin 2 i suppose. i noe tt u'll b askin me bout tiz. i noe. i dunoe hw 2 ans u. i juz cant imagine. seeing r/s break. r u happie? or mayb u tink tt dey juz kids. no feeling one. juz play play. after a while ok liao. i can tel u tt u're wrong. mayb i'll b alrite after awhile cuz life stil hav to go on budden i'll nv 4gif u. althou i stil treat u as my coach, i respect u budden i'll nv 4gt wad u did.

peeps, if u c tiz, pls dun go tel coach or wad. thx. ids enuff pain nw. ids ENUFF!!! im juz sayin wad i wana sae. so dun go round tellin ppl. thx. hurting as much as i can. pls dun. juz see id & mayb u noe hw m i feeling nw. ids shit. damn shit. i dunoe.

[[* jac ]]

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

12/11/2004 07:07:00 PM

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Thursday, December 02, 2004

heyys. guess wad. im at de airport usin de 'free internet'. wahseh. hope tt i can stand here til de plane flies lehx. haha. woke up at 5.30am 2dae. kkaez. gonna hav a great time dere bahx. all de bez peeps. cya! ;p

[[* jac ]]

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

12/02/2004 07:50:00 AM

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Wednesday, December 01, 2004

omg. b4 i go. juz wached de spore final. ids so nice. both r soooo damn gd sia. hw. nw ive change my view. sly oso gt tt talent!!!! omg. dey r so gd.

de song 'i dream' juz rawks 2 de core!! woohoo.. tink sly sing de song morr natural. omg. both r my idol!!! one so rocky, one so smooth. wahseh. nice.

dunoe hu wil win sia. so glad tt i gotta wach tiz. ha. kkaez. hope tt both wil cum out wif sum album or sumtink. it'll sure b gd selling. ha. nice. cant stop tinkin bout it man. k larz. c spore idol le den i'll b goin aussie le. bye peeps. nite too

[[* jac ]]

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

12/01/2004 09:39:00 PM

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heyys. sorrie peeps. didn blog here vry long le. kkaez.
im sorrie. kinda left it de way it was lyk. opps. sorrie. kkaez. here im bac b4 my trip to australia.
erms. got nth muchie 2 blogg to bahx. ytd went escape wif deardear, clar & py. had a fun dae.
shld b a fun trip dere ba. im sure it'd b. but de tingy i cant seem to leave ish deardear. m i juz tinkin toooo much?
kkaez. relax. juz 4 de abt 10 daez?. ha. haven tried not seeing him 4 even mor den 3 daez. i dunoe. juz let it b bahx. mayb de fun may juz cover up my feelings ba. i dunoe. budden i juz wana sae tt u're de 1st in moi heart & dere's no doubt bout it. u're always on my mind.
2dae's a slacko dae. tv, com, tv, com. wtf ish tiz man. slackin myself b4 de trip. cant b bothered much either. tinks r all in place i tink. flight at 8 2mr morning.
sorrie C`galz. i cant b dere wif u all. budden jiayou aniwae. dun create a barrier 4 urself juz bcuz u all hear tt dey r sum champ or wadeva. juz noe tt u've done ur bez & u'll regret nth. kampateii~ u all can do it de.
s'pore idol tonite. hope tt taufik wil win. sly dun hav tt talent as much as taufik. its realie hard to sae hu wil win. cuz sly hav tt big fan base. ha. tt beng look. mayb all dose gals dere r juz sum ppl hu goes 4 look ba. kaez. im juz gifin my comments here. pls dun start f*ckin up my tagg bored wif all ur comments on s'pore idol. thx. budden dun tink anione would bahx. its so quiet here. bleahs.

kkaez. tiz my post le. wil post again in ard 10 daez time. wish me all de bez ppl. *poof*
gone aussie~ GONE.

[[* jac ]]

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

12/01/2004 06:43:00 PM

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Sunday, November 21, 2004

heyys. nv knew tt kaihui would tagg mii!!! thxthx.. thx so much..=)
erms. haix. tinks r goin my wae? ha. i dunoe. a rainy fridae nite. wad would i wan moz? huh.
is not tt i wana recall all de unhappie tinks budden ids juz... i dunoe hw 2 sae..
i wana feel de warmth. i dunwan dose tears. where r de happie moments? where?
budden tinks seems to hav got betta? i dunoe. it takes time. mayb all it nd is juz time & trust.
it hurts mii so much 2 hear u cry. everytime i hear tt, hw i wish de person cryin would b me. how i wish.
i've blogg at our blog 2dae. so dere's nth 2 sae much here. i've learn an important lesson. ppl, its real. ' live each dae to de fullest and cherish every moment. dun turn bac & regret cuz its no use at all. '
ids 12.48am nw. iim missing him. terribly. de fonecalls arent de same animor. i noe. it nds time. mayb time can heal all wounds bahx..mayb..
i noe he feels bad. im feelin bad as i can b too. dun cry. i dunwan u 2 cry. nvr.
we'll overcum everytink. i noe we can.

::trust&believe::cryinmyselftosleep::

[[* jac ]]

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

11/21/2004 01:40:00 AM

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Tuesday, November 16, 2004

heyys peeps. tink i wun b bloggin much here le. gotta new bloggie. hees=p
budden wil stil blog lar. erms de new bloggie url

www.azililuvus.blogspot.com

tagg dere too kkaez. N add it to ur blgg 2 if u hav 1. thx peeps. nitex..

[[* jac ]]

aLwAeS bEsIdE yOu

11/16/2004 09:50:00 PM

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